When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i've created a new STD.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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