Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
