"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everyone says I win the strip club
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