I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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