That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
