I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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