Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
