Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
