508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
