is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize