I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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