my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize