And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
