Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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