well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
