I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
