Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
