Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
