my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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