if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
