you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
