You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
