Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
