mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
