If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize