I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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