I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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