Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize