mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sober January is a disaster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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