When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize