I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
