I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
