I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His nipple licking is glorious
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