I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
