it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
