it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
