I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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