Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize