walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
