Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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