Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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