This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
