Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
