btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize