he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
