And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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