I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
