Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
