I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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