Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
