hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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