so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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