the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
