Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
