Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
