I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize