Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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