You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
