i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
