Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize