i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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