the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
