Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
