I will die if light touches me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
