i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
