apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
