no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
