First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
